“Jill Bolte Taylors Stroke of Insight” , “On
Keeping a Notebook” by Joan Didion
I believe that the internal sense of self comes
from different places depending the person and time. Each person has his or her
own, very personal sense of self and it may change as time passes by. It changes as we grow up. It comes partly from how we were raised
and partly from the people around us growing up. It continually changes with life experience. Probably at some point in our lives we
might feel that we are a completely different person than we were when kids for
example. We realize that the person
we were somewhere in the past is completely different from the person we are at
the moment. That is why in the
beginning of the reading “On Keeping a Notebook” she tries to remember why she
wrote all those notes in the past. She ask herself “Why did I write it down?” , “What was it I wanted to
remember?”, “How much of it
actually happened?”.
Something that seemed very important at the time doesn’t make sense
anymore. I believe this happens because we are completely tied to the moment
and the world around us. That is
why Didion repeats several times “That’s how I felt it”. That is how she felt
in the moment. That is how she perceived her reality. It was her reality, nobody else could possibly understand
what her thoughts were, not even herself several years after that. I believe that if we really want to
understand our sense of self from the past, we should write complete thoughts using
a diary, instead of only notes.
Jill Taylor’s self of sense is entirely
biological and possibly a matter of choice. According to her, we have two opposing
senses of self in the left and right hemispheres of our brains and in a healthy
person they become one by communicating with each other. She describes the
right hemisphere as having a sense of self tied to our relationship with the
world around us and always in the present moment. Whereas, the left hemisphere
is described as completely independent from the world around us and always
thinking about the past and the future, but never the present. In contrast to the language Didion uses
about the past and present with regards to her sense of self, Taylor never once
mentions her childhood or family members as contributing to her identity.
Instead, as one might expect from a neuroanatomist, she only talks about our
sense of self as a product of our biology. I like the way she describes the consciousness of the right
hemisphere as being the perfect moment.
How the right hemisphere forms all this pictures to create a whole.
Meanwhile the left hemisphere takes all these pictures and organizes the
details of each of our thoughts. I
agree with her opinion that we will live in a happier world if we were more
conscious of our right brain.
I believe our sense of self comes from both the constant ability to asses our position in the world analytically that allows us to differentiate as individuals and our right brain quality of finding connections between ourselves and present experiences. That being said I think it's a general necessity to most to feel apart of the world around us and feel a sense of kinship or as Jill Bolte Taylor puts it, "we are energy beings connected to one another through the consciousness of our right hemisphere as one human family." While this transcendental state helps establish a sense of self by developing an air of wholeness and intimacy, our perception of individuality is reaffirmed by systematically distinguishing ourselves as unique from that. A constant grapple to feel apart of something larger than ourselves while maintaining that we are distinct. Due to all the conflicting variables at play directing our sense of self, yes, it is subject to change.
ReplyDeleteIn all, we are separated from the world around us in more ways than we are connected to it. Try as we might we will never be able to fully understand what another living thing is undergoing. How an object or experience relays to them. Exactly what something smelled like, tasted like, looked like, reminded them of. Joan Didion highlights the egocentricity of the human experience, "however dutifully we record what we see around us, the common denominator of all we see is always, transparently, shamelessly, the implacable 'I.'"
Powerful Stroke of Insight-Jill Bolte Taylor & On Keeping A Notebook-Joan Didion
ReplyDeleteTeam Minotaur, Melisa Barth
Although I have not had a stroke and could not even imagine the impact of the changes this would make on one’s life, I do agree with Taylor that we are basically made of different parts of our selves. I’ve seen so many changes in my personality caused by a multitude of activity from different relationships I have had over the years. What I mean by the relationships are people that have been significant in my life. A personal relationship can have a huge impact in my behavior going forward. I believe there are multiple versions of us at various places and times. We behave differently around certain people with our mannerisms, we treat others differently depending on their social classes and we show different levels of affection for others depending on the relationships we have with them. It would make sense that the two parts of our brain function differently, as one side is me as I know and perceive as me and the other side of my brain functions as the person my family and friends perceive as me as a person. My family labels me this very strong women who is a survivor. This is the perception I have shown to them, who I become when in the presence of their company. When I am alone, I am overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. I often find a quiet place and just cry to let out all my pain. I feel I have to be this strong outer core for the world to see, all the while I am merely just a soft shell hoping to disguise myself. There is this young child like personality of our inner child and then there is the adult with real world responses inside us all. It also makes perfect since that we use one side of our brain to process the past and future while the other side processes the here and now. I have a hard time with the little girl part of me. I could not protect her from the hardship she suffered in my youth, and as an adult, I try to not allow history to repeat itself. I try to let the past have a positive impact on my future self. Although, many times I feel I have failed this inner child. This has had a tremendous effect on who I have become as an adult, mother, wife and friend today.
I like to keep a journal of my life. Unlike Didion, I don’t like to write lies in them. I am much too anal for what I feel is nonsense and useless in my own personal life. I don’t live in a world full of fiction. I have often wrote of the bad memories as not to forget a certain person or situation that has helped lead me to become the person of who and where I am now. These are often hard times that I have had to overcome. It’s easy to remember the good stuff and strangely I don’t record these. In time, the good usually over powers the bad memories and you find yourself possibly headed to a similar outcome. This is the reason I have chosen to write about the bad one’s most often. It’s hard to hold on to some memories and honestly, there is a great deal I could not write about because they became blocked. I feel this is nature’s protection we have been graced with and it should be left alone. Furthermore, we have a need to remember what makes us who we are. What has made us special in our minds is often created from these memories. Several people that have experienced the loss of the memories and were fortunate enough to regain them, have shared their experience most often reporting this as a gracious experience. Our lives are made of chapters, some good and others maybe not so good. But nonetheless, this is what sets us apart from everyone else. Once this is removed we are the same color crayon in a crayon box. How boring the world would be if there was nothing unique about each of us? The world needs each of our own personal novels. It helps to record our existence. Maybe you need to record yours with more color to bring you through your life in a manner that is suitable for your needs. Maybe others need more facts to show witness to theirs, but in all we have many parts of us that come together that make us a whole.
There is only one version of our self at one place and one time and our sense of self is tied to our relationship to the world around us. In regards to Jill Taylor's anecdotal story of her stroke and how it was an enlightening experience, I feel as if her entire experience must be disregarded as it makes no sense. She uses words such as "energy," "spirit," and "lala land" to describe her experience. The cause of her experience is also the reason her "data" is invalid/inadmissible. I am much more agreeable with Joan Didion's stance that our sense of self depends on time and memory. She writes, "So the point of my keeping a notebook has never been...to have an accurate factual record of what I have been doing or thinking." Later she realizes/discovers the reason for her keeping a notebook, "But of course that is exactly it: not that I should ever use the line, but that I should remember the woman who said it and the afternoon I heard it." A journal is recorded by one's self as it happens, looking back at one's entries shows the "evolution" of one's self that is determined by experiences and time.
ReplyDeleteI believe that our sense of self comes from the influences of the world around us. People come into your life and affect it in a way that might make you change your interests, which in time will eliminate some memories of that previous self, with new memories of your present self. I dont believe that there is a way to stay constantly the same throughout your life. I personally have multiple selfs that I have gone in and out of in my life. Different interests, different hobbies, different people. Memories always return after something provokes them. As Didion had mentioned, she always had memories returning to her from completely random tidbits of information, something so small to return such a vivid display of pictures in your own head. I do not believe that we are separate from the world around us, because I have personally undergone changes in relation to the world affecting me. Didion talks about how as she has gotten older, she looks back at her journal entries and is confused as to why she would write down such silly things. Her life has changed over the years, and so did her viewpoints on a broad range of topics.
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